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prev # Monday, Nov. 24, 2003 10:21 p.m. # next
FidgetyI bite my nails. A lot. And I hate it. I hate that I can't stop. I've been doing this for many many years (like 12), and it's just become so firmly ingrained as a habit that I don't even realize I'm doing it. I currently have 2 fellow actors smacking me or otherwise calling my attention to it when it happens, but it doesn't do much good. A minute later, my hands are back at my mouth. It's disgusting, and I'm embarrassed that I don't have better control over myself. I don't like thinking of myself as a nervous person, but something is clearly wrong. Even when I don't bite my nails, I bite my lip, or touch my face, or something. Ugh. Of course, I never do it on stage, or when my hands are really dirty, so I guess it's not completely involuntary. That should give me hope. Or something.
Well shit, that was fun, huh? Bet you're glad you bothered to read all of that crap.
Second preview tonight - went better than the first. Still don't feel good about the show though - but it can only get better, right?
Today was one of those days that I just kinda glided through, not feeling much or getting very involved in anything. No good. There's no point to that. But I guess there'll be days like that, no matter what.
Had my interview for food stamps this morning - I'm getting $84 for the rest of the year, and $60 a month starting in January. Yippee! Tomorrow I have to watch a 20 MINUTE video on how to use my EBT card (like a debit card, but easier). I can't imagine what they could possibly say for 20 minutes about it, but Jerry had a good point: somebody in my field got paid good money to make that video - at least THEY didn't have to get food stamps!! Nice thought, kinda sorta. The guy interviewing me was shocked to hear that I work 40 hours a week (sometimes more, sometimes less, but essentially I work full-time) for what works out to $3.75 an hour. He made me sign something that said I'd take a better job if it was offered, saying,
"Yeah, I know, I don't write it. What idiot wouldn't take a better job??"
I must be an idiot, cause I certainly wouldn't leave this job before it's over, as crappy as the pay is. I'm sure I *could* make minimum wage if I needed/wanted to, I do have a college degree after all -- but I'm doing something I love. I am extremely lucky. Just more evidence of how the world measures our worth in $$$$ and will probably always laugh at my choices. Ah well.